Thursday, February 10, 2011

My Heart In My Hands

The Mommyologist is hosting the Mom Sexy Valentines Day Bash party and link-up. Because we shouldn't ever let a bunch of flowers or a box of candy make us feel loved (or no flowers make you NOT feel loved!) We should ALWAYS be loved. By ourselves!
photo credit
I've never been a big proponent of Valentine's Day. Crowded restaurants. Frazzled last-minute husband shoppers. And almost always some disappointment or tears. One year my husband had to be out of town for Valentines Day, and he felt really bad about it. But I realized that I didn't care. ow, I don't mean that I didn't care that he felt bad, or that I didn't care that he was gone. But Valentines Day just isn't important to me. On my birthday, you'd better treat me like a frickin' princess. Now that I've pushed out offspring (without an epidural, thankyouverymuch) I expect somewhat of a big deal for Mother's Day. Christmas is about presents family, so we make a big deal, but it's not all about me. And our anniversary is about both of us, so I never felt that it was fair to put all the burden on him. Why should HE have to find the perfect, most romantic restaurant, flowers, presents, etc, plus write a heartfelt message in a card, while I reap all the benefits and barely lift a finger? Not fair. But Valentine's Day seems to be all about the guy disappointing having to prove his love for the lady. And it's a bogus holiday anyway.
I mean, you already reaffirm your love and celebrate each other on your anniversaries, right? V-Day was made into a big deal to sell more greeting cards [True. Google it.] I mean, sure. It's fine for young stupid people in love, or new relationships and such. And for kids to exchange cards and candy at school. But you don't expect diamonds for St. Patrick's Day, do you? Then why is this Hallmark holiday such a big deal? And why put so much pressure and expectations on the poor guys? They already have to remember your anniversary and birthday. And possibly Mother's Day.
I don't need a token box of chocolates or an obligatory bouquet of flowers to make me feel loved. I feel loved every time he does a load of laundry because I fell asleep putting the kid to bed, even though he'd been asking me to do it all day. I feel loved when he goes with me to the Asian market just so I can look for new bento stuff, even though he thinks I have plenty, and it's all silly anyway. I feel loved every time he changes a poopy diaper and doesn't give me the stinkeye for not getting up to help him hold her legs or distract her, even though he darn well better come help ME with one, if he's home. And I feel loved with every random caress or sweet nothing that he does or says without even thinking, because that proves he loves me far more than some calculated retail effort!
But, most important of all - I love myself. If I had to, I could live without my husband. If he died, I'd be devastated, but I could go on. If he'd done something heinous and was booted from our lives, I'd be fine. Because I love myself enough. I don't NEED someone else to make me feel loved. I sure do like being loved by others though!
"They" say that no one can truly love you until you love yourself, and I've always found that to be true. I see so many women (and men) putting up with a crap relationship because they think they're in love, or they think that that's the best they're ever gonna get. But if you loved yourself, you'd never put up with that crap. These boots were made for walkin', baby! You'd love yourself enough to know that you COULD survive without him/her. That you COULD take care of the kids on your own if you had to (even if it meant moving back in with your parents.) *shudder* You'd love yourself enough to know that you weren't "asking for it" and that you didn't "make him/her do it" and that you deserve better.

I love myself enough not to put up with an abusive or harmful relationship. I love myself enough to want to spread my gene pool far and wide. I love myself enough to stand up for myself if something's really important to me, and to let it go if it's not worth the hassle. I value who I am and what I have to offer, even if these don't happen to include dishes, laundry, cooking or cleaning. [Or self-control where bento or muffin tin meal supplies are concerned!]
I value my abilities as a mother, and am fine with not being perfect.
I'm not sure what he sees in me, but I value myself as a wife, since I know I am, in fact, worth it.
I value myself as a daughter/sister/niece/etc because I accept my family for who they are, and who they aren't, and everything in between.
I value myself as a friend, even though I'm kind of a flake and am terrible at keeping in touch. [Until Facebook. Now I "see" my friends daily!]
And I value myself as a person, because we are all awesome, in our own ways. Everyone deserves love, especially from themselves.
photo credit
Because, sheesh. I just can't be bothered to love everyone on my own! Too much work!

10 [of the many] Things I Love About Myself:
1. I can see the other point of view, even if I'm too stubborn to admit it. There have been many times I'm steaming mad at my husband because we're late to something I wanted to do, but I know deep inside that I just sat there and didn't help speed up the process. [Disclosure: Usually I'm the one making us late to stuff.]
2. I'm an awesome mom. I read parenting books and try and practice the good advice I read. I try and be extra patient with my daughter. I eat foods I despise, just to set a good example. I play with my daughter, despite having absolutely zero interest in what her teddy bear has to say. That kind of thing. [The amount of screen time she gets balances all this awesomeness out.]
3. I'm creative. I used to draw and scrapbook. Now I make artistic lunches.
4. I am very loyal. I don't abandon a friend, unless they turn into a complete jerk. Then I wait a bit and see if it was just a phase.
5. I make my own judgements. I don't decide to like or dislike someone based on the comments of others. As it turns out, I was able to tolerate working with a difficult personality (about whom no-one had anything good to say) for two years before it got unbearable.
6. I'm wicked clever. But motherhood has sucked most of my IQs out.
7. I have the capacity to truly forgive and forget. One of my younger sisters was kind of a [rhymes with 'witch'] as I grew up, and we only saw each other at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had nightmares about her well into my 20s. But when she got pregnant, I knew that if I wanted to be part of her child's life, I'd have to interact with her. And as it turns out, she had changed, and we get along great now. I'm so glad that I was willing to let go of the past, since I gained a truly valued friendship. Plus some nieces I just adore!
8. I love to read. I just devour books. It got to the point that we had more books than we could stuff into our garage and under-stairs storage space. Plus, at $6-8 a pop, it was getting pretty expensive, as I could often finish a book in 2-3 days! So now we use the library, and I just buy the ones I absolutely love and want to read again and again. I am very proud of my love of reading and my ability to not only read fast, but also enjoy the same book again later.
9. I'm learning to cook, even though I'm terrified. I'm a perfectionist, so I hate doing anything unless I KNOW it's going to turn out perfect. But motherhood has forced me to lower my standards and accept failure in myself. And accept my other failings!
10. I have fantastic tastes in husbands and children. I apparently got the absolutely very best ones! I love my family beyond measure.



  1. Great post and fabulous list. I particularly love #8...I'm a book fiend myself!

  2. It's definitely the little gestures from our husbands that make us feel loved after having a kid...but loving yourself is number one for sure!! I think it is true that you can't really experience true love if you aren't your own biggest fan! Great list and thanks so much for coming to my party!!

  3. It sounds like you have an incredible husband and are an incredible mom...but you are so right...we need to love ourselves in order to lead a productive life. Loving yourself is definitely the most important thing!! So glad I came by via The Mommyologist...wonderful post!! xx


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